Tag Archives: turbo


30s soccer mom

ANCHORAGE – Stay at home mother of six, Jillian Clayborne, was watching an episode of Modern Family the other night when she heard the word hipster yelled at a woman in the show.  Clayborne says she has heard the word hundreds of times but it didn’t register as an insult until recently.

“I learned the word “basic bitch” a few months ago, which is basically a female that wears stuff like Gucci,” said Clayborne.  “My husband is such a hipster. He wears polo shirts popped on the weekend when he hangs out at his friends house.  I also noticed he eats bagel chips when he’s drunk which everyone knows is a classic hipster move.”

Clayborne’s husband says he’s happy his wife has a new insult but she needs to reel it in a bit.

“We were out a Cheddars the other night and she called the manager a hipster because her steak was a little dry,” said Clayborne’s husband Marty.  “I don’t think she really gets what it means, but I don’t want to discuss it with her cause she said the other night she noticed hipsters are always talking about things.”

Clayborne says she’s so tired of hipsters taking over everything she’s been doing for years.

“These young hipster ladies at work literally just started listening to 99.7 DJX like last week”, said Clayborne.  “I just grit my teeth when I hear them talking about the new Taylor Swift song.  They’re such idiots, that song’s been out for over two months.”

At press time Clayborne was seen yelling at a woman in the Springhurst Starbucks accusing her of being a turbo hipster.

Tagged ,