MIDDLETOWN – 37 year old Dominos assistant shift supervisor, Brent Garmin, had a lot on his mind while heading to work last night. He had spent the early part of the day skimming articles on Buzzfeed about Net Neutrality. As he was pulling up to work, Garmin said he felt like Paul Reiser riding past the red coats on his horse to warn the Germans were coming.
“I work with a lot of younger people,” said Garmin. “I’m the only guy over 30 in there, so I feel it’s up to me to inform them on these things I have a limited understanding about.”
Garmin usually talks about how he would have ended Breaking Bad differently with his coworkers or recites strings of Louis CK bits he’s memorized word for word. But last night, Garmin said he had to get a little serious.
“Right before rush, I asked them what they know about the biggest human rights issue that’s ever happened in the US,” said Garmin. “I followed my net neutrality talk up with some of the bare minimum knowledge I have on the Affordable Care Act, and the first amendment.”
Later in the evening, Garmin addressed the recent ebola outbreak with a seventeen year old deliver driver, Jessica.
“There’s a lot of important shit going on right now in the world that you kids are blind to,” Garmin said while filling up his big gulp cup with one squirt from each of the 10 fountain drinks in the lobby. “You guys are gonna have to grow up eventually and start paying attention like I do.”
At presstime, Garmin was seen renting Air Force One from Redbox in hopes of having a better understanding of American history to share with co-workers this weekend.