Tag Archives: Louisville

NORTON COMMONS™ RESIDENTS ANNOUNCE THEY WILL PARTICIPATE IN RESURFACING TINSELTOWN PARKING LOT

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SPRINGHURST – Yesterday a spokesman for Norton Commons™ announced the urban village will join together in hopes of bringing beauty and restoration to the Tinseltown parking lot.  The organizers hope to create a pop-up plaza, cornhole board art and Blue Moon™ beer garden.  One of the event planners, Clarence White, says the 10,000 square foot parking lot can comfortably hold thousands of people from all over Louisville.

“We really hope people from all over Louisville can make it down to our community event,” said White.  “We want everyone down here.  People from St. Matthews, Lake Forest, some of Clifton area, people on the Gardiner lane side of Bardstown Rd., the NULU section of downtown, you know a place where most all are completely welcome.”

O’charley’s™ says they will be providing factory farm to table tasty finger foods, and Sonic™ will be serving a bacon tater tot milk shake with a shot of bourbon and fireball mixed inside (for those over 21 only).  The evening is planned to kick off at the end of October but organizers say it could be mid November.

“We’re really hoping this event will show everyone that we’re not “weird as you know what”,” said White.  “We’re just a bunch of normal people that like to have a good time and enjoy city life in the middle of farmland and shopping malls.

Another Norton Commons™ resident, Richard Peachskin, says all of the money raised at the event will go to help children in Louisville.

“We’re hoping to raise ten to twenty thousand dollars” said Peachskin.  “We’re going to pledge some dough to the elementary school in Norton Commons™,  and give a little green to the Cub Scouts of Norton Commons™, stuff like that.  We’re also going to put some money into helping the homeless.  We’re planning on paying real homeless people to walk around Norton Commons™ this Christmas with those little cute gloves on, you know the ones with the fingers half showing?  My wife and I have these perfect outfits picked out for them that we bought from a really chic store last time we were in New York.  Oh and, if the NC’s fire department allows it, we’re gonna try to put 3 or 4 homeless people standing around those little adorable burning barrels warming their hands.  Anyways, I’m gettin’ off track here, its gonna be a great event.

Norton Commons™ Lawyers say they encourage people to spread the word, but they will not tolerate any forms of stickers made to advertise for the event.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
September 2014

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MAYOR FISCHER CAN’T BELIEVE LOUISVILLE MADE BLOGS TOP TEN LIST WRITTEN BY 22 YEAR OLD GUY FROM SOUTH CAROLINA

450x299xp-42-The-EntrepreMayor.jpg,q1306252706.pagespeed.ic.-CvXMwzBf-Last week a link began circulating around social networks labeling Louisville as, “One of the best places to chill”.  After reading the blog’s article written by a 22 year old sophomore from South Carolina, Mayor Fischer shared the link saying, “This is just too good to be true.”  The article has now been shared by hundreds of people on Facebook echoing Mayor Fischers enthusiasm for a blog post written by a 22 year old in college.

“It’s an exciting time for Louisville,” said Fischer.  “I was telling my wife the other night over dinner, my colleagues in Washington have no clue how chill Louisville is.  Well, thanks to this blog post, the cats out of the bag.”

Mayor Fischer wants Louisville residents to know the fight isn’t over though.  He’s concerned some Louisvillians may interpret the blog post to mean they don’t have to share Louisville top 10 lists in the future.

“I’m not downplaying this moment at all, and I want the citizens of Louisville to know I support them raging around the water cooler at work this week,” said Fischer.  “But we’ve still got a ways to go.  Don’t think next time I share a Louisville top 10 list that you don’t have to put the hard work in and click like and share.  If we wanna be the next Austin or Portland, we’ve gotta make sure more 22 year olds put us in their blogs top 10 lists.”

At press time Mayor Fischer was seen welling up over the news of local rappers, Code Red, mentioning Louisville in a song they’re releasing on their Soundclick page next week.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
August 2014

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ENTIRE SOJOURN CHURCH COMES OUT OF CLOSET TOGETHER

Screen shot 2012-03-27 at 8.28.12 AMYesterday in a press release, head pastor of the hip Sojourn church, Taylor Parrish, said everyone that attends his church admitted they were gay recently.

“It was a really powerful moment” says Parrish. “I was praying before the service started and I asked everyone to bow their heads.”

This is when Parrish says the unthinkable happened.

“I told anyone that has been having nasty homosexual thoughts to raise their hands and let God see them.”

Seconds later Parrish raised his head to look around the room and all 1500 churchgoers had their hands raised, including himself.

“I didn’t know what to say. Everyone sort of looked up at the same time and there was just a big sigh of relief.”

Parrish said the sermon was cancelled for the day as everyone started mingling and hugging each other.

“We all stood around and talked for hours. It was truly surreal. There was a great moment where I walked up to my assistant pastor and we were just like “whaaat DUDE?!? We kind of kissed and both admitted we always had small crushes on each other.”

Parrish and his followers are at a crossroad however. They’ve been comparing gays to adulterers and other terrible things for years.

“Yeah, that’s gonna suck trying to walk that back.” says Parrish, “Here’s the thing. I’ve woken up everyday for the last 25 years and told myself that everyone else wakes up in the morning and turns off their gay thoughts. I guess that sounds pretty silly as I say that out loud.”

Parrish isn’t the only one struggling with his newfound truth. I spoke with other members of the church up at Four Pegs.

“I just really hope people can find it in their hearts to forgive us.” says Emma Jackson.

The gentleman to the left of Jackson is shaking his head on his 6th pint of Goose Island.

“We’re all frauds man.” says Jackson’s friend Mike Smith. “Not only were we all closeted homosexuals up at Sojourn, but we’ve tried convincing everyone that we’re progressive because our pastor has a mohawk, tattoos and a dick piercing.”

The group stayed for a few more hours telling stories of how they kind of knew so and so was gay, and also the horrors of their own of being discovered. Some tears were shed, but in the end they all paid their tabs and said they were going to a place that would accept them. “Maybe Highland Baptist Church.” Smith said as he lit a clove cigarette and walked away into the night.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
July 2014

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GERMANTOWN PARENTS HUMBLED BY PATRIOTIC SONS

July_3rd_Fireworks_qmkqkblkSitting in your living room at 11pm on a Monday night and hearing a mortar go off in our alley way between Charles and Samuel can be a bit disturbing for our whole family. But there’s good intentions behind the late night blasts of rib cage shaking sounds. I caught up with a local family who had some context to add to this seemingly random bit of noise.

“We didn’t know where our two sons had run off to…” says Bobbi Huberty. “They came home and smelled like gunpowder and cigarettes”.

Most parents would be full of anger as their children returned close to midnight with lighters and an almost empty backpack. But the Huberty household was pleasantly surprised.

“I had heard some fireworks going off, but we just continued watching Breaking Bad. Our two terriers were hiding under the kitchen table and my 87 year old WWII veteran father had to take a few xanax, but I didn’t think much of it.”

Huberty’s two children (13 & 16 years old) had admitted later in the evening that they had been the ones letting off fireworks in the alley and they were visually shaken after Huberty’s husband found the mortars in their backpack.

“They came clean and said they were sorry.” says Huberty.

It wasn’t until the couple threatened to ground the two teens that they fessed up to lighting the fireworks in respect for their veteran grandfather.

“I just about lost it and hugged them both, sobbing. I didn’t think this generation had it in them. It’s what every mother wants to hear.”

I followed the two children around the following night as they let off mortars in the alley, and I can honestly say they looked quite affected.

“It’s like grandpa heard back when he was fightin’ them wars” one of the boys said. “I bet it’s like he’s right back there all over again” his brother chimed in.

Politics aside, this reporter has a different perspective on the late night booms we all hear. Sandy and I both wish we would have had children that showed such a glaring respect for their veteran relatives.

As I was leaving one of the boys dropped a mortar in a tube that fell over and shot into a neighbors yard. We all ran and smiled hoping that wherever it landed, it was in a veteran or dogs yard that brought them a little bit of comfort in this crazy, crazy world.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
July 2014

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