Category Archives: Norton Commons

BREAKING : NORTON COMMONS™ BABY’S FIRST WORD IS LAWYERUP

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NORTON COMMONS – Jessica White was the first baby born in the Norton Commons™ hospital almost exactly a year ago today.  Her parents, Joseph and Margaret White, wanted to wait to have their first child until they had good paying jobs and lived in the city.  The timing was perfect yesterday as baby Jessica’s house was full of Whites when she shouted her first word during Thanksgiving dinner.

“My wife and I were actually punishing baby Jessica for throwing food at her Grandpa,” said White.  “We told her we were putting her in time out when she shouted ‘Lawyerup!’.  It was incredibly powerful.

There were mixed reactions around the dinner table as Joseph ran up stairs to pull the video from the drone that was hovering over the food taking video.

“I mean it’s a good word, but I don’t know if she used it correctly,” said Margaret’s sister.  “She looked angry and held the fork up at her Dad’s face when she said it, but I couldn’t tell if she was actually telling him to lawyer up.  I mean, I don’t think she has any lawyers to defend her at such a young age, and I don’t think she really has a case to be honest.”

Margaret and Joseph said they’ve said the words around baby Jessica about as many times as any other parent and they’re surprised thats the one she actually held onto.

“Kids are so strange and you never know what they’re going to pick up around you,” said Joseph.  “I honestly thought her first word would be a little more urban, giving the environment we’re raising her in but hey life’s weird like that.”

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
November 2014

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NORTON COMMONS™ RESIDENTS ANNOUNCE THEY WILL PARTICIPATE IN RESURFACING TINSELTOWN PARKING LOT

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SPRINGHURST – Yesterday a spokesman for Norton Commons™ announced the urban village will join together in hopes of bringing beauty and restoration to the Tinseltown parking lot.  The organizers hope to create a pop-up plaza, cornhole board art and Blue Moon™ beer garden.  One of the event planners, Clarence White, says the 10,000 square foot parking lot can comfortably hold thousands of people from all over Louisville.

“We really hope people from all over Louisville can make it down to our community event,” said White.  “We want everyone down here.  People from St. Matthews, Lake Forest, some of Clifton area, people on the Gardiner lane side of Bardstown Rd., the NULU section of downtown, you know a place where most all are completely welcome.”

O’charley’s™ says they will be providing factory farm to table tasty finger foods, and Sonic™ will be serving a bacon tater tot milk shake with a shot of bourbon and fireball mixed inside (for those over 21 only).  The evening is planned to kick off at the end of October but organizers say it could be mid November.

“We’re really hoping this event will show everyone that we’re not “weird as you know what”,” said White.  “We’re just a bunch of normal people that like to have a good time and enjoy city life in the middle of farmland and shopping malls.

Another Norton Commons™ resident, Richard Peachskin, says all of the money raised at the event will go to help children in Louisville.

“We’re hoping to raise ten to twenty thousand dollars” said Peachskin.  “We’re going to pledge some dough to the elementary school in Norton Commons™,  and give a little green to the Cub Scouts of Norton Commons™, stuff like that.  We’re also going to put some money into helping the homeless.  We’re planning on paying real homeless people to walk around Norton Commons™ this Christmas with those little cute gloves on, you know the ones with the fingers half showing?  My wife and I have these perfect outfits picked out for them that we bought from a really chic store last time we were in New York.  Oh and, if the NC’s fire department allows it, we’re gonna try to put 3 or 4 homeless people standing around those little adorable burning barrels warming their hands.  Anyways, I’m gettin’ off track here, its gonna be a great event.

Norton Commons™ Lawyers say they encourage people to spread the word, but they will not tolerate any forms of stickers made to advertise for the event.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
September 2014

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