HIGHLANDS – This morning a Louisville Metro Police Pancake breakfast was interrupted when a group of patrons from Cahoots bar came walking in. The police say the 10 or so, white, heavily tattooed middle aged men in Black Flag shirts didn’t seem to pose any sort of threat, so they all just sat around eating pancakes half listening.
“I was on my second round of pancakes when they came barging in puffing on their e-cigarettes,” said police officer, Jason Kline. “My buddy leaned in and asked me if we should just kick the shit out of them. We both laughed and agreed we’d do it after the pancakes had digested.”
One of the cahoots patrons, Dennis Grainger, said it was his tax dollars paying for these pancakes and he was going to help himself to as many pancakes as he could handle.
“We’ve been staking out this pancake breakfast for weeks,” said Grainger. “We all agreed we’d meet at oh nine hundred hours and rush in. Usually none of us would ever wake up that early, so we just pulled an all nighter.”
Some of the officers say they are speaking with lawyers as they feel slightly violated.
“We were just there not bothering anyone,” said officer Kevin McDowell. “One of the guys made me sit and listen to him explain the meaning behind every tattoo on his body. I felt helpless.”
Officer McDowell managed to pull out his phone and capture a couple of the patrons filming the police eat. He said the cops and the Cahoots customers were both yelling at each other to stop filming.
“When my dad was a cop in the 70’s, it would have been unheard of for a group of guys to rush in and interrupt your annual pancake breakfast,” said McDowell. “One of them shouted at me that it was his declaration of independence to be in here eating pancakes. I didn’t really fight him on it, he sounded like he knew what he was talking about.”
As the pancake breakfast came to an end, the Cahoots customers explained to the cops that they were the biggest assholes in town, and they better never forget that.
“I looked every cop in his eyes and said, ‘We’ve worked hard for years to be known as the biggest group of assholes in this town, so don’t try to be bigger dicks than us. Ever’,” said Grainger. “I told them they were all free to leave, but if they didn’t want us crashing their next pancake breakfast, they have to promise us that they’ll leave the whole ‘shit head’ thing to the professionals at Cahoots. I think we came to a mutual understanding.”