LAKE FOREST – Last night 74 year old Lake Forest resident, Rick Schneider, returned home around eight o’clock from having a few drinks at The Nachbar. Schneider’s wife, Judy, had reportedly been pacing the 12,000 square foot home, holding her cordless telephone over the four hours Rick had been gone. When Rick finally pulled up in the driveway, neighbors say Judy stormed out of the front door in her bathrobe demanding to smell her husbands dick.
“I’ve read all about what these men are doing up at the Nachbar,” said Judy. “I’m his wife and I have every right to smell his dick if I have reasonable suspicion.”
Rick reportedly avoided his irate wife in the driveway telling her she’s not smelling his dick.
“Nothing happened at the Nachbar,” said Schneider. “I just talked to a few girls about Amazon Prime and watched countless women try to take home Rusty the beef jerky guy. If anyones wife should be smelling their husbands dick when they get home it’s that guys.”
The couple continued to argue into the night after eventually cooling down close to eleven o’clock. Judy says her husband finally agreed to let her smell his dick if she would take him to Hammerheads this weekend, which she agreed.
“His dick just smelled like old man,” said Judy. “I’m relieved, but still concerned anytime he goes out to those places without me. I know the girls out there get all wet when they see a guy in his 70’s from the east end walk into a bar they’re hanging out at, I’m just afraid Rick’s going to give in eventually.”