FERN CREEK – The room is quiet at 36 year old, Jeff Rollins house in Fern Creek as he sips a warm mug of coffee scrolling through this morning’s news on his laptop. His wife leans in and kisses him on the forehead, telling him he’ll get them next time on her way out the door. This time just 48 hours ago, Rollins had a very different energy about himself. He was skimming hundreds of articles from blogs, simultaneously retweeting, reposting and forwarding articles to every person in his address book. Rollins had never been so sure of anything in his life. One of his biggest role models, Rand Paul, had even come out in Rollin’s support, saying you could get ebola from just being 3 feet from someone. Rollins says he has no one to blame but himself, and the hundreds of Willy Wonka memes he’d been sharing over the last couple of weeks.
“It doesn’t make any sense”, said Rollins. “This was my moment. I was gonna be the guy from Tremors or Independence Day. The guy with the contrary brain, telling everyone to wake up. That was supposed to be me.”
The television plays in the background as Rollins patiently scrolls through Facebook, reading articles of people surviving ebola in the US, and not getting infected after sharing a room with a person that has the virus.
“How could there not be an outbreak and how could Dr. Paul, an ophthalmologist, get this wrong,” said Rollins. “I had even planned to be humble about the outbreak and not rub it in everyone’s faces. I was actually gonna tell my brother in law, who’s been making fun of me for the last week, that he can have my extra hazmat suit. This is quite possibly the worst day of my life.”
The CDC claims we’re not in the clear completely, but we’re learning a lot about the virus and how it travels.
“It’s just so disappointing that the CDC isn’t actually putting infected people on planes to spread the virus,” said Rollins. “I mean, all that stuff about the ebola vaccine coming out just in time, and all the money corporations are gonna make off healing the sick. It was just so perfect, felt like a badass movie. But now it just seems like there were some human errors and the people in charge are doing the best they can right now. Which is hard to hear.”
At press time Rollins was involved in a 78 comment thread on Facebook saying it was his prayers and Willy Wonka memes that stopped the virus from spreading.