Category Archives: Clifton

Mayor Fischer Tells The Clifton Neighborhood To Shut Down All Streets Immediately So This Guy Can Grill Pizzas

Street-Festival

CLIFTON – Mayor Fischer called an urgent press meeting yesterday demanding law enforcement and city officials close down the entire Clifton neighborhood. The announcement came after a Louisville man on Facebook made a post saying, “I’ll be grilling some pizzas outside of Guestroom Records this morning, come say hi”.

St. Matthews police department said they had a 10 block radius completely shut down 45 minutes after the post surfaced on Facebook, but some residents are saying that is simply unacceptable.

“I saw Jeff’s post on Facebook and decided I would stop by for a slice while taking my dog for a walk”, said Clifton resident Randy Schneider. “I could have easily been struck by a car, it was nuts. Why should I have to walk down the sidewalk in my own neighborhood?”.

Schneider wasn’t the only Clifton resident confused while cars went zipping by them as they strolled through the streets.

“Tell me this, why was the street even open to begin with?” said Props Barber Shop owner Wayne Trout. “We had announced we were having a food truck rally and a bluegrass band in front of our shop two hours before the grilled pizza was announced.”

Mayor Fischer replied to the criticism this morning saying the city has been working tirelessly to shut down as many streets as they can over the past year.

“I don’t care if it’s a Jeff making pizzas on a grill in Clifton or the Double Dare Man competition we had last weekend downtown”, said Fischer. “I want everyone to know we’ll shut it all down all the time, but every street doesn’t get closed overnight. These things take time.”

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
October 2015

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CLIFTON MAN WITH NEW MAKLEMORE HAIRCUT TO JOIN GROUP OF FRIENDS TONIGHT AT HILLTOP TAVERN LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED

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CLIFTON – Clifton resident, Cody Weiss, recently had his hair cut like “Macklemore’s” at Derby City Chop Shop this week.  The 28 old plans on showing up to Hilltop Tavern tonight to meet some friends like nothing happened.

“I’m just gonna roll up on the table,” said Weiss.  “I’ll probably call someone on my phone right before I walk in so I can be in the middle of a conversation when they see the new cut.”

Weiss says this isn’t the first time he’s unloaded something new he’s trying out overnight on friends.

“Last year I just showed up with a fedora on,” said Weiss.  “I always wanted to be a hat guy, but it’s hard to transition into that.  I decided to show up to a friend of ours funeral with it on so people wouldn’t be in the mood to question it or make fun of me.  It actually worked out pretty well.”

Weiss plans on really gelling it up and says he may have a few other distractions ready incase the phone call falls through.

“My rent just got raised, so I’m thinking I may get off the phone and immediately start complaining about how my landlords a dick and let everyone know money’s really tight right now,” said Weiss.  “If I can make it uncomfortable quickly, they’ll probably just let me have this new haircut without giving me any shit.”

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
October 2014

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