Monthly Archives: March 2015



CLIFTON – Excited about heading to Hilltop Tavern tonight for St. Patricks day, 38 year old Clifton resident, John Littlefield says he will most certainly ask people to grab the ping-pong ball that just landed under their table this evening.  Customers at Hilltop find themselves getting pinged in the head by ping-pong balls, and even an occasional ball in their beer.  This is all due to the owners of the local pub insisting a ping-pong table is perfectly placed in the middle of people drinking beer, eating food and not playing the game.

“I couldn’t imagine The Hill not having a ping-pong table,” said Littlefield.  “When it gets really crowded I sometimes whack people with my paddle and have to apologize, but it’s all part of having a giant table with a flying ball and paddles in the middle of a dining room.”

Owners of Hilltop say they try to have things like board games and Walking Dead viewing parties for patrons to enjoy while drinking, but refused to comment much on the ping-pong table.

“It’s a great game and we’re going to leave it at that,” said owner, Nick Karl.  “Everyone knows if they come to Hilltop, and they sit by the 9 foot table, they’re in for a night of being annoyed.  And I think everyone loves that.”

Some customers say it’s not the ping-pong table that annoys them as much as the type of people that show up to play ping-pong.

“I love ping-pong, we have a table at home,” said a man dodging balls flying past his head.  “Look, let me put it to you like this.  I like the Flaming Lips and all, but can’t stand the people that show up to their shows.  Does that make sense?”

At press time the owners of Hilltop said they are thinking about adding a lawn dart game in the middle of the bar.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
March 2015

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GERMANTOWN – Residents across Louisville have been complaining of a smell described as “a wet musty carpet” for the last few weeks.  City officials are stumped and have been running air quality tests for the last few days with nothing turning up.  This morning Tom Nord, spokesman for the cities air district, followed up on a lead pointing to a house on Mulberry street.

“My staff and I pulled up to the house and we all knew right away,” said Nord.

Before anyone from Nord’s team could knock on the door, the home owner, Janet Taylor swung the door open and confessed.

“Yeah it was me,” said Taylor.  “I’ve been walking all over Louisville trying to lose this baby weight.”

Taylor said she’s a little offended by the way local media has been describing her smell on television and print all over the city.

“You try binge watching Steve Harvey and eating tub after tub of manager special hummus,” said Taylor.  “I’m tryin’ to lose these last 100 pounds and the hummus makes me a little gassy.”

Mayor Fischer says he’s glad we can all put this mystery to bed, but called for any Louisville residents currently binge watching Steve Harvey or Steve Wilkos to please stay inside for now.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
March 2015

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