HIGHLANDS – Following a disastrous weekend, 29 year old Speedway cashier Chris Barman is ready to talk about it with his customers.  Barman’s ex-girlfriend attended the grand opening of a new Moe’s Southwest Grill he had been talking about for months, and she even brought her new boyfriend with her.  After leaving the opening Barman says his night got even worst. His phone had died while texting back and forth with his ex while his 1987 Toyota Camry’s axel’s finally gave out leaving him stranded on Taylorsville Rd. His mother had to come pick him up.

“I’m goin off first customer to ask,” said Barman.  “Even if someone asks if I’m staying out of trouble, that’ll be enough.  The whole things gonna take up at least 6 minutes of their time.”

On top of the horrible weekend Barman had, he’s got a lot of other things going on.

“My sisters such a bitch,” said Barman.  “My mom’s a bitch and my dad’s a dick.  On my 28th birthday I was supposed to meet my dad for Blue Moons at BW3’s, he showed up like two hours late and said he could do one Blue Moon but had to go back to work.  I swear he’s always doing shit like that.”

Barman claims he hasn’t had internet in over two months at his apartment, and his cat won’t stop going to the bathroom on his bed. All of which he says will be included in the package for the first customer to ask how he’s doing.

“I’ve worked other jobs, but you can’t corner people the way you can at Speedway,” said Barman.  “There’s a good flow of traffic at the gas station, you’d be surprised how many people are crippled with politeness.  They’ll listen to me until I’m done, it’s really neat.”

At press time Barman was stocking straws at the fountain drinks station explaining to a young woman what Reddit is.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
November 2014

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