GERMANTOWN WOMAN OFFERS SAGE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE TO FRIEND ON PORCH AT 3 AM

fat-woman-smoking

On a quiet Tuesday morning on Mulberry Street last week, Germantown resident Janet Taylor could be heard setting her best friend Becky straight. The two had spent the evening watching Rush Hour 1 and 2 over a few cotton candy vodka cocktails, when Becky’s ex-boyfriend began texting her around 2 am.

“Why are you even textin’ him back?!” Taylor screamed at the top of her lungs outside on her porch at 3 am. “Tell him you’re Biggie Smalls and he needs 2pac his bags and leave!”

Taylor strings together catchy one liners and tells it like is with a voice that travels 7-8 houses in each direction.

“I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not Willie Wonka,” Taylor says while pacing her front porch smoking a cigarette. “If he come over here I’ma go off Becky!”

Taylor is clearly a busy woman.  In the middle of counseling Becky she gets a phone call from another friend in need of a reality check at 3 am on her front porch.

“Girl, I told you to leave his ass already!” Taylor says with no regard for the family of five next door.  “Tell him you ain’t that guy from Kindergarten Cop and you won’t be back!”

Just after 4 am, Becky’s ex-boyfriend showed up and began to argue with Taylor as if they weren’t surrounded by dozens of shotgun houses in close proximity.  Taylor whispered something into Becky’s ear and went inside slamming the door behind her.  Becky and her ex spoke at a relatively low volume for a few minutes before Becky put two fingers in front of her ex-boyfriends nose and said “Here, that’s the last time you’re gonna smell that.”

“That’s a Janet Taylor Peace out!” Taylor yelled through the cracked window.  “Now goto bed I can’t sleep with ya’ll bein so loud out there.”

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
July 2014

6 thoughts on “GERMANTOWN WOMAN OFFERS SAGE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE TO FRIEND ON PORCH AT 3 AM

  1. PorchMarmot says:

    Man, Becky and I need to become better friends. She obviously knows a lot.

    Like

  2. Erin says:

    Please make a Janet Taylor advice column

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Concerned party says:

    I’m confused, is he her Ex Husband or Boyfriend. I need CLOSURE!

    Like

  4. Ro-gan says:

    Nice mustache, Janet. *Pfft*

    Like

  5. Joe phonebone.... says:

    That’s 1 of the main reasons I moved away from corner bar heaven. An abundance of rednecks!!!!!

    Like

  6. Amanda W says:

    Can anyone tell me how to get in touch with this lady in the picture?

    Liked by 1 person

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