NACHBAR REGULAR SPOTTED AT THE GAP IN OXMOOR MALL

gapLocal beer connoisseur and drummer, Tyler Barnes, was spotted yesterday casually browsing and collecting loads of clothes at The Gap in Oxmoor Mall.  A neighborhood resident of Germantown who asked to remain anonymous (we’ll call Becky), said she saw Barnes walking around with several different colors of cut off shorts and a few of The Gaps signature vintage T’s.

“I was at the mall meeting my mom to go to Sephora,” said Becky.  “I stopped and stood behind a plant watching him shop.  It was so pathetic.”

Barnes reportedly approached a sales associate with over 20 items spilling out of his arms and politely asked for a fitting room.

“I could see the clothes being draped over the fitting room door as he asked an associate for a smaller size of an MTV shirt,” said Becky.  “I can’t believe I ever wanted to sleep with him.”

Becky cautiously followed Barnes as he left the Gap swinging his bag of clothes by his side. Allegedly Barnes was wearing the faux cut off shorts he recently purchased out of the store that he must have liked a lot.

“I think he almost saw me as he went into Banana Republic,” said Becky.  “I was like texting all my friends.  He’s such a fucking loser.”

Becky says Barnes left Banana Republic empty handed as she followed him next into the Old Navy store.

“I lost my shit.  Up until that point I wasn’t gonna tell my friend that slept with him what I was seeing, but I didn’t have a choice,” said Becky.  “He was being so polite to everyone inside Old Navy.  Like some kind of freak.”

Becky said she watched Tyler go to Auntie Anne’s Pretzels next and was last seen trying on some sunglasses at Sunglass Hut.   She hasn’t heard back from her friend that slept with him yet, but planned to head over to her house immediately after she left Sephora with her mom.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
July 2014

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2 thoughts on “NACHBAR REGULAR SPOTTED AT THE GAP IN OXMOOR MALL

  1. Amy says:

    Nailed it.

    Like

  2. […] they wrote news about some young man who went to the Gap store to get some clothes,” Bill Schweitzer said. “I don’t know him myself, but there’s no reason […]

    Like

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