With neighborhood watch season in full swing, Germantown residents have taken to porch sitting every Wednesday in an attempt to more closely monitor neighborhood activity. Shelby Street resident Lloyd McMillan, a retired drywall inspector, has made it his personal mission to gather as much data as possible on the recent comings and goings of the neighborhood.

“I seen lots of weird shit,” McMillan says as he sips his home brewed ice tea.  “Strange shit is happenin’ in Germantown nowadays.”

McMillan’s 78 year old wife, Cheryl, sits next to him with a suspicious eye on the neighborhood.

“Every day we see the same little boy walking by our house.  Never said nothin’ to us, but he’s cruisin’ down wrong street with no sign of turnin’ right,” Cheryl interrupts.

A few crumpled fliers for lawn care service tumble quietly around the deserted street like scattered leaves. The couple sits in their lawn chairs sipping ice tea, stiff and emotionless.

“Little boy gots this stick he carries. Neighborhood ain’t seen shit like this before,” Lloyd says. “I don’t like it.”

Just as Lloyd predicted, the little boy appeared and began to descend upon the McMillans street moments later.  The boy looked to be about eight or nine years old, with short, sweeping brown hair and a spiderman shirt.  He approached slowly, aimlessly poking at the dirt with a three foot stick.

“See, just like I said.  Little boy taunts me and my wife every day like this,” said Lloyd.

“I’d love to know why the hell he ain’t at home eatin’ lunch,” Cheryl added. “No boy of ours was ever out roaming the streets at 12:30 in the afternoon.”

The boy mosied by the house, completely ignoring the McMillians, looking a little lonely and mostly bored. The incident lasted approximately 13 seconds before the boy carried on, lazily turning onto Logan Street, his stick still swinging idly at the rocks on the ground.

“I’m getting my concealed carry permit next week,” Lloyd said. “I’m sick of this shit.”

The Germantown Neighborhood association is urging their residents to porch sit like the McMillans every Wednesday night to help with neighborhood safety throughout the summer.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
July 2014



  1. […] these Thompsons be? Theories abound, especially after cryptic stories such as the one headlined “Neighborhood kid up to something with that stick.” The story suggests a looming crime wave that has upset local […]


  2. Thanks to “porch sitters” (that apparently are active in the middle of day as well as the evenings) a package that had been delivered to my house, but stolen off my steps by some grade-school aged kids, was rescued and returned to me! the little farts had already ripped the outer layer of packaging off of it and thrown it away. Sheesh. I wish they’d do weird stuff with sticks instead of stealing anything in sight…


  3. This is some freaking funny stuff. 🙂 And then there’s this:

    Little bit outdated, but still… gotta admire your comedic skills, Mr. M! I think I’ve been to Germantown only once. Something about an acid trip and a trailer park (back in the Bon Jovi days of the ’80’s.) As I mentioned, I’m from C-town too and now reside in Jeffersonville; but I get the feeling I’m not missing much when it comes to Germantown…


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