Sojourn Members Ask Everyone to Remember That They Are All Super Gay

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GERMANTOWN – It wasn’t that long ago that pastor Tyler Parrish and his followers at the cool Christian church, Sojourn, all came out of the closet.  They did resort back into the closet , but the leaders are asking for everyone to remember when they were gay.

“Remember our LGBTQ community, that we’re with you”, said paster Parrish.  “I know people like to think of us as a church that literally doesn’t allow gay people to be members of the church or express their own gender, but that’s not the point.  At the end of the day, we’re all super gay dudes.”

On July 5th, it was a normal Sunday church gathering for the local crowd, all shaking hands and trading graphic design business cards.  

“I’ve never met so many people that all have BLM etsy shirt shops”, said Sheldon Pinket”.  “God bless this city”.

At first glance you may think Sojourn is some sort of libertarian church of people who grew up with republican fathers, but Parrish disagrees.

“You have to be open to new ideas”, says Parrish.  “We’re laying the groundwork by proving to our friends at South East Christian Church, that their church is antiquated.  They need to open themselves up to progressive ideas.  We welcome everyone, as long as they agree they’re sinners.  Otherwise, they can’t be members.”

Parrish walks around the church on Sundays, kissing men behind the stage, sometimes with tongue.  But reminding his followers that all of their gayness ends when he pats them three times on the butt.

“I know your readers may think I’m contradicting myself”, says Parrish. “I don’t see it that way.  I think as long as I don’t enter them at church, it’s just a way of me showing that we’re brothers.  I pat them on the butt three times and they are forgiven.  Free to go about their day.”

Sojourn has been a staple in the Germantown community for years.  Members have also been buying up property, hoping to make an impact on the small borough in Louisville.  They even opened up a bakery for women that have been involved in sex work.

“Yeah we recently closed the bakery because of covid”, says owner Heather North. “But the short time it was open was a huge success.  My husband was more committed to me than ever while the business was operating.”

McGrath Supporters Show Up To Protest Panera Bread Closing On Bardstown Rd.

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Highlands – As the morning of the election results rolled in, Amy McGraths supporters spilled into the streets demanding the Panera Bread in the Highlands reopen.  The once famous soup and bread bowl store closed their doors 2 weeks ago during the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic.

“This is unreal”, said one McGrath supporter traveling from Norton Commons™.  “Definitely a pivotal moment for the city”.

The 3000 square foot restaurant opened up in 2014 serving mostly artisanal bread and soup served inside of it.  Many in the surrounding community believe the departure will be felt for years to come.

16 year old Chelsie White from the Indian Hills neighborhood showed up with her mother.

“I finally have worthwhile cause to show up and fight for,” said White.  “It feels really powerful.”

The crowd circled the Panera Bread for hours on Tuesday morning demanding answers to the recently closed Highlands staple.  Police cars showed up shortly after, surrounding the protesters.

“These people have a right to exercise their first amendment”, said officer Paul Chatsworth.  “I can’t imagine what these people are going through.”

Mayor Fischer is expected to hold a press conference addressing the closure later today, tweeting earlier “I’m on the phone with Panera Bread right now everyone hang tight.”

Amy McGrath is scheduled to visit the enraged crowd later today to support her followers, briefly addressing the situation on her twitter this morning.



Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
June 30th 2020

Edward Lee to have name legally changed to “Yes Chef”


Local celebrity chef Edward Lee announced on social media this week that he’s going to officially change his name to “Yes Chef”.  After years of toying with idea, he’s finally filing the necessary paperwork tomorrow morning at the court house.

“It’s time”, said Lee.  “I’m about to turn 47, I’ve made tons of aioli.  I don’t know any other city where this has gone on as long as it has.

The longtime Chef says people have been calling him all kind of names for as long as he can remember.

“I’m not just a guy that you’re “cool” with.” said Lee.  “When I ask you a question don’t just look at me and say, “yeah”.  Like wtf?  I know most people in Louisville just go about their days going to Speedway and Kroger.  I’m like hanging with real dudes a lot, and my shit is sick.”

The city has informed Edward Lee that it could take up to 6 weeks for the new name to be official.   Mr. Lee says it couldn’t happen sooner.

“If you see me in the street, just holler Yes Chef at me, I think it’s a respect thing”, said Lee.  “I hope the city is chill about it.  I hope people can be mature about the whole thing and know this is completely normal in every other major city.  It’s not a big deal.”

Lee will debut his new name at Bourbon & Beyond this summer and plans to also announce a new restaurant concept where he adds bourbon to dishes.



Louisville – This morning Bellermine officials announced mens rowing team Coach, Joseph Taylor, provided rides to games in his 1995 Ford Escort to his players for the last four years. It’s not clear yet if the 43 year old coach will face any disciplinary actions, but the university says they’re looking into the matter.

“As of right now Coach Taylor isn’t denying any of this happened, he’s just confused why we’re holding a press conference,” said Bellarmine’s spokesman Pat Hartman.  “In the end, we all just want the truth.  If Coach Taylor does indeed drive an 95′ Ford Escort, well then people aught to know about that.”

Coach Taylor was not available for comment, but we were able to obtain a picture of his car which does appear to be an 95′ Ford Escort.

Frank Thompson
Germantown Times
October 2015

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Achu + Blesu Clothing Line

Frank and I had a young man names Theo couch surf at our house this summer in Louisville from Sweden. He’s a very handsome man, with a huge heart and big hands. We showed him around and filled his head with imagination just as we did with our own kids when they were young. He has returned to Sweden very inspired and started designing a line of clothing called Achü + Blesü all centered on his visit to Louisville and everything he learned. Please check out his Facebook page and stop by Block Party Handmade Boutique to pick up one of his t-shirts.

xoxo – Sandy12189264_1695836747298142_1956019152703000020_o

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HIGHLANDS – Yesterday around 3 pm a time traveling skateboarder, Rickey Thrash, emerged from a portal in an alley behind Comfy Cow.  The 15 year old man reportedly stood up slowly, dusting off his jean jacket as he looked curiously at a young girl riding by on a razor.   Thrash began skateboarding through the highlands completely distracted, bumping into people as one man allegedly shouted “hey watch it buddy”.

“I just wanna get a slice of dough,” said Thrash.  “Where the hell did all the Pizza Huts in this town skid off to?”

Thrash stumbled into a Pizza Hut express off of Preston Highway eventually, but said it was weak as hell.

“Where the hell is Golden Axe?”, Thrash asked the 24 year old manager taking his order.  “Listen old man, just get me a pizza with the works and I’ll get out of here.  This place is cashed.”

After his…

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